Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
