I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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