She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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