This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
