I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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