Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
