Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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