i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
