I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
