So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
