I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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