I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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