I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
