My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize