WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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