It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
