11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
