i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
