don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
