I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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