Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
