They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
