As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
