What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
