hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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