I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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