We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
