I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize