is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
