I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
