one might say we're banned from that church
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I fill condoms, not promises.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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