we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
