I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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