he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
