these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
