i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
