you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
