Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
