So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's not a walk of shame if you run
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
