The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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