Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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