I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize