dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
