The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do vagina's smell?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
