He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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