My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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