Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
