she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
