I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
