i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
