I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
