Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
