I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
