She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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