Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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