The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
