if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize