What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
