I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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