It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
