my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
