my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We talked him into tasing himself.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We're too hungover to prance.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
