The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
