I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
