Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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