Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
