I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
