TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
