I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
