i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
