she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
