lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
