she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
