On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
