so explain again why im purple
no
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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