I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
