I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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