the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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