I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
