Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
